I’m not normally the wheeler-dealer type. You know, the shady back-alley guy offering some sort of unbelievable deal to the first unsuspecting soul to come along.
Yet I’m embarrassed to say I found myself trying to pull something just like that at church the other night.
We were getting ready for communion, and as always, our pastor clarified who communion was meant for, and how to prepare our hearts for it. For those who are believers, it was simply a reminder to be open with God on where we are, giving over to Him our struggles and just being honest with Him.
If I’m being honest, which is something I struggle to be here, I would have to admit there are some areas in my life that I am struggling with right now, and I’m having a very (read VERY) hard time giving over to God. So this crushing feeling of guilt is beginning to descend on me, because I know I have these areas that I’m still struggling with and I haven’t been able to give over to Him yet, when this little voice in the back of my head whispers a compromise.
All of a sudden, I find myself in a mental dance with God. I’m trying to reason with Him that since one of those areas that has been a struggle hasn’t been quite so bad lately, in fact it hasn’t been an issue in, like, 5 weeks, than surely that should negate some of the bad from the other and give me the ‘right’ to come to His table. Wow! What nerve on my part! Where do these thoughts come from!? Do I think He doesn’t know me or my life?
But then I am reminded. He does know. He knows my heart and the battle that rages there. He knows how much I love Him and how much I want to please Him. He knows me so much better than I even know myself. And while He doesn’t want to bargain with me, He will take my struggles and trade them for His peace.
